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The very last Brett Favre retirement article
By The Playmaker | March 21, 2008
In case you haven’t heard, Brett Favre rode his John Deere riding lawn mower into the great wide open in the past month. And while it shocked about 99% of Packer fans in Wisconsin, I thought he got it right this time. Good performers always know when to get out and end things on a high note, and Favre did that. So to all you people that thinks he should’ve played forever, and think that he owes you something because you think you know him, shove it. Let the man cut his grass and enjoy his family. If you’re lucky enough to retire someday, then maybe you’ll understand.
Well, now that we’ve done and got that out of the way, on with the program.
There was some news a while back about Favre’s life being portrayed on the big screen as a full length motion picture. I could discuss the pros and cons of making a movie about Favre, but that’s not why I’m here, instead I’ll give you my proposed cast. I went a little deeper than maybe I should have (but hey, when don’t I)
NOTE –> I would’ve linked photos of the actors and characters they are set to portray, but I make webpages for a living, so in an effort to live up to my usual low, self-set standards, I am doing as little as possible. Call it lazy, a lack of effort, or whatever, you’ll get no argument from me.
And now, appearing in now particular order . . . . .
Danny Devito as Jerry Glanville — The man who started it all for Favre gets portrayed by the best tiny actor of our time (I’m talkin to you Gary Coleman). And to be honest, I never liked Glanville, and having Devito depict him on the big screen would be well worth a few chuckles and Jerry’s expense.
Matthew Mcconaughey as Don Majkowski — Mcconaughey is probably one of 3 or 4 people in America who pull of the Majik man’s hairstyle.
Wesley Snipes as Sterling Sharpe — I’m gonna be honest, I had a hard time finding a decent match for Sterling. But I also had a hard time believing I could make a decent movie without Wesley. So this move made too much sense not to make.
Kanye West as Robert Brooks — I know Kanye has never acted before, but we all know he’s gonna end trying at some point anyway. So I’ll give him a shot to get his acting feet wet.
Harold Ramis as Mike Sherman — Harold has put on a few pounds since his days of busting some ghosts, but how hard is it to stand on the sidelines, chew on your sharpie and make poor personnel decisions?
Najeh Davenport as Himself — Seriously, who else is gonna crap in some chick’s closet?
Eddie Griffin as Javon Walker — I was gonna try and get one of the Wayan’s Bros. But anyone can bitch about their contract, get traded and then almost drop off the face of the planet
James Gammon as Mike Holmgren — Some of you may disagree with this pick, but I am a big fan of Major League 1 and 2, and JG’s mustache is legendary
Richard Karn as Mike McCarthy — Again, some of you may object to the current Head Coach being portrayed by Al Borland of Tool Time. But shave of Al’s beard and these two were separated at birth.
Stephen Root as Andy Reid — A third questionable call in a row, and this is probably my most uneasy selection of all. I mean, how can one of Favre’s most influential coaches be played by the guy who was Milton in Office Space
Sally Field as Bonita Favre — I haven’t the slightest clue what Brett’s mom looks like, so I picked the chick that was Forrest Gump’s mom. I mean, Gump and Favre are both southern boys, right?
Woody Harrelson as Doug Pederson — Woody was awesome as a slow, white, geeky chump in White Men Can’t Jump. So he teams back up with Wesley Snipes and brings this role back to life.
Paul Giamatti as Marty Morningwhig — Paul is in just about every movie I see now days, so making one without seems foolish to me.
Harrison Ford as Bob Harlan — In a surprising turn of events, I’m gonna let Harrison wear his Indiana Jones costume during the whole film
Tyrese Gibson as Donald Driver — I would have like a more experienced actor in this spot, but these two look too much alike not to be matched up.
Donald Faison as Antonio Freeman — I love Faison on Scrubs, and he has already done football film (Remember the Titans). Plus he and Freeman are basically twins
Brandon Molale as Mark Chmura — I’ve never really seen this guy in anything else except Mr. Deeds, but when he came on screen I actually thought it was Chewey for a second, so this move was a no brainer.
Wayne Brady as Leroy Butler — The only way this is gonna work out is if at some point during a scene, some random skank walks through the shot and is immediately choked out by Wayne.
Jon Favreau as Frank Winters — Favs was in The Replacements, so I have no worries about this one
Haley Joel Osment as Eli Manning — I know Eli has nothing to really do with Favre’s career, but I love taking shots at Eli, and this one was too easy.
Chris Rock as Edgar Bennett — He may not fit the part at all, but at least he’ll be funny
Alan Alda as Thompson — I just thought of any actor that has really white hair, Alda was the first one to come to mind. But TT does so little sometimes that I’m pretty sure I could play this part and no one would notice the difference.
Albert Finney as Ron Wolf — Your typical old guy I guess. I wish I had more to say for a rather important role, but I don’t, so we’ll move on
Mario Williams as Reggie White — Mario always said he wants to be like Reggie, and I’m pretty sure this is as close as he’ll ever get
Jennifer Love Hewitt, Anna Kournikova, Erin Andrews as The Packer Bikini Girls — If you think I need a legit reason to have 3 stone cold foxes wearing bikinis in EVERY SCENE OF MY MOVIE you are dead wrong. if nothing else they ought be fun to stare at.
Courtney Cox as Deanna Favre — Cox is a decent actress and has similar features to Deanna. Plus I was burned out from all the hot chicks from before, so I just went with the first name that came to mind.
Denzel Washington as Aaron Rodgers — I just want to see how good of an actor this guy really is
John Goodman as Irv Favre — probably the second most important role of the film, and have no doubts that Goodman will turn in an Oscar worthy performance. That’s right, I said Oscar worthy, I’m in it to win it people.
and finally . . . .
Kiefer Sutherland as Brett Favre — No one actor plays a character that oozes more testosterone and sheer manliness than Sutherland. Plus he’s battled his own alcohol problems, so acting to be a recovering drunk should be second nature. No one can grow that 3 day beard like Favre, but Kiefer always seems to have one on 24, so I see no problems there either. The list goes on and on with reasons this one make sense, but I’ll spare all of you the details and instead ask for your feedback.You think I missed something, having a better suggestion, or have some sort of personal issue you need resolved. Drop me a comment and we’ll talk/type it out. Thanks for your time, you’ve been a fantastic audience, enjoy Three Dog Night . . . .
9 Responses to “The very last Brett Favre retirement article”
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March 22nd, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Jack Bauer!!! Hell yes!!!
March 22nd, 2008 at 7:06 pm
This is the greatest thing written.
Ever.
March 23rd, 2008 at 10:06 pm
LOL - great post. Get this movie up on the screen!
If Howard Rollins were still alive, I’d sub him in for the Sterling Sharpe role. Howard and Sterling have similar features - plus Howard was a better actor than Wesley. (Not that Wesley sucks or anything - but Howard was just that good). Too bad Howard viced his way to an early demise - he should still be with us mesmerizing us with his talent (and good-looks).
I’d also like to see Steve Mariucci and Jon Gruden represented in this movie - at the very least, it adds more cuteness to the flick. Yum.
March 23rd, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Well written article. I lol’d something fierce.
March 24th, 2008 at 10:33 pm
[…] The Playmaker ’s post is one of my favorite picks for today. Check out the post The very last Brett Favre retirement article below. I highly recommend viewing the full post! […]
March 25th, 2008 at 6:38 am
Jeremy Piven as Steve Mariucci — Entourage is a great show, and Piven is a big part of that. granted that role has nothing to do with being Steve, i just think it’d be cool.
The Chucky Doll as Jon Gruden — i mean, that is how he got the nickname right?
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:48 am
Jeremy Piven is cute…seems like he would make a good pre-Terrell Owens Steve (I’ve never watched him in anything, but in your judgment I trust.).
I had a good chest laugh at “who” you recommended to play Jon Gruden. (Forget cuteness - this is so much better!) God, this movie should get made! Maybe we’ll discover that he’s actually the one who injured Don Majkowski…
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 am
Gruden probably snipped Majik’s achilles with a pair of hedge clippers.
he was just super quick and we never saw
April 5th, 2008 at 4:59 am
LOL! The film would be able to slow that sequence down for us, definitely…
I kinda got too carried away with the Sterling Sharpe/Howard Rollins thing to remember that if Howard were still alive, he’d be too old to play prime-of-his-career Sterling (he might be able to play the fatter Sterling we see today, though).
So Wesley it is (he’s older these days, but still looks about the same). I’m trying to picture how you’re going to broker a true Wesley/Woody reunion in this movie. The only way I see Sterling and Doug meeting is if they were on the same golf outing with Favre.
Another possibility for the Sterling role is Omar Epps (he could be used since Mike Tomlin’s biopic is years away).